Miss being a stay at home mom.

I am technically a Stay at home mom , but I babysit to make ends meet.  I can NOT afford daycare .  I have already done the math, I have been a stay at home mom for 5 + years , no work experience since 2007.     I have only a technical college degree which doesn't go far.     So most jobs , and with the economy the way it is I would be lucky to make 12.00 an hour.  Putting both girls in daycare is about $400.00 full time a week, unless i can find a stay at home mom that will do it for about $300. 00 that would only leave me with about $150.00 a week if that.   There's no way to survive on that.  I don't get government assistants only because i know there are people in worse condition that need them more then I do.   Anyways, I get by on what I make a week plus my girls are taken care of by their father.      

Only thing about babysitting from home is if someone doesn't show I don't get paid.  Yes I could have it in a contract but most of my parents only need me 2 days a week.    This week I haven't worked that much, only 2 days really.   I can honestly say I miss being a stay at home mom.   I miss being able to pack up and go to the park and take a picnic, have playdates during the day.  It has been so much fun.     I have a lot of things to be grateful for.  My kids are healthy, I'm healthy , we have food, a roof over our heads, we do well for ourselves but there's just some days I look at my friends that are stay at home moms and get jealous of what they have.   I know that their life isn't perfect like they make it seem like on Facebook, but I do miss having someone at night to talk too, I miss just being able to devote 100% of my time to my children like I always wanted too.  I miss being a part of a moms group.      I wanted to homeschool them as well and now that plan has changed as I am doing homeschool kindergarten I am waiting for my other daughter to be able to go to school.       I know some of my friends enjoy working and believe me I can't wait until I can actually go get a real job with steady income, benefits , retirement.   In my heart I knew i always wanted to be a stay at home mom for as long as I could and now that my journey has changed.  I have embraced it, but some days are harder then others.    You always think you have your life figured out and it could change just in a short period of time, like mine did.

what to write about now?

My blog use to be the use of reviews on certain places that I visited around NJ, then I moved to NC and it became an outlet to network.  Now that I'm back in MD and I am finding it hard to what to write about.  I could write about single mothering, I could write about different fun places to take the kids.  There's so much that has happened in over a year.   What would my readers like me to write about?

A new life.

I have been neglecting my page I feel like.   But almost a year later and my life has changed.

I'm a single mom with two different little girls. One that's a princess the other that's the rock star. Yeah they are only 3 and 4 but they sure do have a different personality.


I'm here to start my new blog ..

I think it will be therapeutic for me.